Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
