Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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