ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
