Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
