Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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