I just cut my nipple shaving
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
