I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
