i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
