all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
