There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
