just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
