you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
