dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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