if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
