Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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