what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
