i already hear my dad disowning me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
