how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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