there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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