Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
