Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
