He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
