and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
