He is an equal opportunity slut.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
