what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
