Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
