dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
