I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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