Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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