my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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