Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
