Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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