How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think your dad took our porno
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
