I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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