It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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