shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
