I should be sponsored by Trojan
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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