I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
