whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
