I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
