I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You smell like stripper and shame
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
