I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
