Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
