dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
