Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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