I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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