did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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