i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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