I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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