I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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