Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
