I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
