IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
