you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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